I sit pretending / Mandatory OSHA break / Deep breaths ill advised.

Anus is on fire / Doctor’s terminology / A fecal breach birth.

Italian night / Splashing down my own toppings / A hydro pizza.

An Easter suprise / Start of poo prohibition / In sister’s bathroom.

Like the great Ali / My poop floats like butterflies / And stings like a bee.

Constipation sucks / Forceful pushing, no result / Ex-Lax saves the day.

La Sera Cafe / Hot pressed Ethiopian tea / Gets bowels moving.

Hunger pains, straining / Fast food-caused constipation / bowels super sized.

Urine filled toilet / Multi-task; piss while pooping / God damn the splashing!

My poo radar strikes! / To my stone throne I venture / A toilet quencher.

Bunching malfunction / Rare TP catastrophe / Must burn this finger.

Trying to save cash / The cheap single-ply I buy / Mistake. Splurge next time.

Odor of baboons / Vaccuum sealed crack / My ass reeks of zoo.

Huge public shitters / Jabba the Hutt’s porcelain / Shit smear under balls.

Pipeline very clogged / Powerful stinky flatus / Metamucil helps.

It doesn’t judge me / A euphoric tsunami / The handicap stall.

Melodious sounds / Malodorus excretion / Still mellifluous.

Not just by Outkast / Bombs over Baghdad is life / For toilet water.

Anal factory / Godiva and Fannie May / Chocolate machine.

Magma sensation/ Porcelain pounding madness / Afterthoughts of ‘nam.

American dog / Such tasty delicacies / Fiery debriefing.

Half a roll later / The emergency exit / Needs to be hosed down.

Great wake-up alarm / Belly evacuation / Will be a good day!

Dehydrated I / Double over in ag’ny / Emergency room.

Aiding my dinner / To its final resting place / With one final push.

The marsupials / Aren’t Earth’s sole bagged beings / My poo pouch bellows.

Happens in nature / Regeneration of limbs / This tail will grow back.

Intransigent ass / Mission ‘poo’ has failed / More fiber perhaps?

Anticipation / My post lunch apocalypse / Gluttony pays off.

Daily déjà vu / Seat familiarity / Bathroom Groundhog Day.

I Somnambulate / Unaware defecation / Toilet lid was down.

Seated I’m waiting / My knees at 90 degrees / Like God on his throne.

Morning protein shake / Plus my multi-vitamins / Rainbow butt slushy.

What is Jungle Butt? / Raised boxer humidity / Peeling required.

Almost crapped my pants / Toilet paper could not cleanse / Shower required.

Overwhelmed at work / Sphincter fought relentlessly / Afternoon agony.

Slow. Painful. Soft serve / Straining with guttural sounds / Graceful I am not.

The world’s best feeling / When a piss becomes a poo / Women can relate.

From a stall he roars / You must try cleansing diets / Two holed battle cry.

Tiny spelunkers / Meandering through my rectum / Seeking adventures.

Lots of pizza grease / Gargantuan stinky poo / Walking with a limp.

Delicious skatefish/ even better truffle fries/ zesty afterthought.

Robots poop the same / as there human counterparts / they just need more grease

Anal muscles flex/ Aloud...painfully grunting/ Volleyball shaped turd

bubbling stomach/ king cobra and spinach dip/ biblical dumping

Vivacious butt ooze/ accomplishment of the day/ Must give it a name

I sit pretending /

Mandatory OSHA break /

Deep breaths ill advised.

Urine filled toilet /

Multi-task; piss while pooping /

God damn the splashing!

Pounds of gummy bears / 
Chupacabra emerges /
It dives for sinkers

A pterydactyl? / 
Velociraptor, perhaps? / 
Poop-a-saurus Rex !

Gaseous bog below / 
Week expired cottage cheese / 
Sphincter compressed sludge

Fecal sleeper cell /  Terrorist in my boxers /  Crime scene it appears.

Sauron’s eye aflame /

the ring that controls them all /

my o-ring’s-ablaze.

Gaseous bog below / week expired cottage cheese / sphincter compressed sludge

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Pounds of gummy bears / Chupacabra emerges / It dives for sinkers
- Crimson Doom Haiku

bow before commode / took bismuth salicylate / agonizing poo
- Crimson Doom Haiku

such embarassment / seen larger pop rocks before / candy for toilet

geyser containment / more pressure than BP spill / a fecal top kill

wrapped in saran wrap / receives salvos of shit blasts / right onto the face
- Hi Haiku

Reeks of a wild beast / Aardvark or armadillo / either way its brown

Full of urine stains/ Chicago public train cars / Poop receptacles

trying to relax / unsuccessfully, it hurts / bleeding profusely
- Crimson Doom Haiku

Had fill of triscuits / like mama bird to baby / I serve the toilet

After 4 day drought/ thy eager cheeks opened up/biblical downpour

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Plucked from its dark cave/ to doggy paddle in piss/ life of a floater

Green shamrocks and sharks/ admiring my new boxers/ whilst thrusting out sin

Bacon cheese curds bag/ do not eat in one sitting/ anal trade blockade

Elastic butt Ring / hot dogs barreling outward / size of hoola hoop

Sweet potatoe fries / violent volcanic blow out / orange colored TP

slumbering demon/ kneeling before the dark cave / too much malt liquor

Cauterization/ Spewing liquid hot magma / please god, cork it up

Bone shaking earthquake/ families rush to their basements/ successful payload

cannon of raw hate/ could it be enola gay? / just my morning dump.

Rising to the job / a garbage truck in reverse / waking the neighbors

Pregaming pooplets / preparation for big show / feces finale

Post dump tradition/ always look at the paper/ no re wipe needed

Feces catalyst / awakes my anal monster/ Caffeine at sun rise

moaning and grunting/ push harder than bulldozer/ ingest more fiber

True story of will/ released the toilet kraken/ blood in the water

urine filled toilet/ multi task. piss while pooping/ god damn the splashing

Fructose corn syrup/ sugar, candy, corn and carbs/ fiber for the win!

Such unbridled force/ radiating heat and pain/ bloody bazooka

Military grade/ chemical mustard tear gas/ from wasabi peas

porcelain blasting/ pissing this liquid magma/ from my raw rear end

Asshole enfuego/ exits sausage encasements/ filled with burning hate

animalistic/ the only way to describe/ full on ass attack

O ring of distraught/ depression settling in/ to what lies ahead

bubbling stomach/ king cobra and spinach dip/ biblical dumping

Silent but deadly/ applicable to just farts/ not what follows them

Morning gym session/ soft,moist, squishy post workout/ food for the toilet.

Bathroom after lunch/ napalmed abortion clinic/ glade is obsolete

Liquid energy/ just like an exploding dam/ physics of dumping

The mars cheese castle/ fiber should accompany/ their dairy products

Brussel sprout push out/bowel evacuation/ hanging by a thread

Smells like teen spirit/ is not my dumping theme song/ if only kurt knew

I sure am gassy/farted while wiping my ass/defies newton's law

charmin ultra soft/ fat tire beer and jimmy john's/ an asster blaster

grunting not my own/squeaky tp dispenser/yay public bathrooms

Floor tiles and mirrors/Reverberating groaning/office ritual

like a pasta press/extruding manicotti/ oozing poo noodles.

turkey, pie and sides/this thanksgiving gluttony/yields gigantic dumps.

apple and pear snack/My bed bath and body works/fruit infused poop scents.

Brazilian steakhouse/ pork, lamb, beef and lobster bisque/ met daily quota.

mimosa infused/ new years eve party dumping/ start the year off right!

Slumbering monster/ brazilian steakhouse revenge/ went down a waist size